Looking back on the past few years, I realize Sandra (San) was incredibly strong. She possessed a clear vision of her goals. She bravely fought against her obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) while embracing it with love and forgiveness, not just for herself but for those around her. Pure resilience indeed!
While cancer tragically cut her journey short, San’s spirit and the lessons she taught will continue to inspire those who knew her.
I showed the same resilience a few years later. Years with little income and a dwindling savings balance. Years of losing friends, often of myself, and with it losing hope. The investment in myself that I needed for even more life lessons. Lessons in acceptance and letting go. When you truly let go, you have your hands free to grab all the beauty that lies ahead. Only to eventually let it go again. Everything is temporary.
Love for life, love for yourself. Acceptance and self-acceptance. Trust in yourself. Being purely yourself is the foundation for enjoying life. But where is this in Maslow’s great pyramid? The third layer of the base is “Love & Belonging,” but it is mostly focused on giving and receiving love from others. Connecting with others. The fourth layer is “self-esteem.” A healthy self-esteem also includes self-love. But self-esteem is certainly not always the same as self-love.
I have seen it up close with San. I have felt it with myself and seen it in various other people around me. A layer needs to be added to the bottom of Maslow’s pyramid. Wifi? No, of course not. The base layer, the foundation is self-love.
Self-love is the cornerstone (a pure basic need) of a fulfilling life. It allows you to truly experience love and connection with others, fostering compassion for yourself and those around you. Without this foundation, self-care becomes difficult, and you may unknowingly sabotage not only your happiness but your entire life.
I saw it with San. In the days when her OCD had her in a stranglehold. She wouldn’t get out of bed. She wouldn’t eat or drink, except when I gave her something. She completely neglected herself. I saw it in people who drowned all their emotions in alcohol. They literally destroyed their body and life. That doesn’t happen, or you don’t let it go that far if you have a little more self-love. From stories from someone close to me who works with teenagers with eating disorders, you see the same thing happening. The emotions of a trauma are so strong that they override self-love. You literally starve yourself until you end up in the hospital. They surrender to the monster of lovelessness. The heart literally stops. My heart cries at the thought of all these people.
I am fortunate enough to have a sufficient degree of self-love at the base to survive. Although I have gone through the deep valleys of “The Black” many times, I always bounce back. Often to great heights. A healthy dose of self-love gives you resilience. The more aware you become of this, the stronger you become.
Love yourself with all your heart. Follow your colorful heart! Be yourself. Enjoy!
Ralph 🧡🙏